#AuroraShooting

Most people heard about the horrific shooting that went down in Aurora, Colorado, and related incidents across America during premier screenings of the new "Dark Knight" movie in July. I'd like to share with you what I went through.
The day after it happened my emotional state was shared by everyone I spoke to about it - awestruck, lost for words, no easy way to make sense of it. Now, Portland Oregon is a pretty safe place, ranked around 38th out of 50 states for rates of violent crime. But I was struck with this huge sense of proximity. When you're in New Zealand and something like this happens, yeah its crazy but its a million miles away. When its a couple states over from where you live, the weight of 'what if' bears down on you a little harder. But by the end of the day I had relaxed, confident that Portland isn't like that. For me this knowing that something really bad could happen 'there' that wouldn't happen 'here' was further evidence of the variety, diversity and enormity of these United States of America.
The other night I finished up at a meeting and decided to go see the movie. Those 'what ifs' came back. And it wasn't just the 'what if there is a shooter?' It was 'what if someone else has snuck in weapons with which to defend themselves?' and 'what if they get nervous and start popping off rounds?' and 'what if they are right behind me?'
As I walked in, feeling a little reassured by the guard checking bags as I gave my ticket, I found myself sizing up the darkened room for potential threats and entry/exit points, but trying not to draw attention to myself. I sat where I would have space to dive onto the floor if I needed cover. The first bullets that went off in the film felt like they were in the room. The whole movie I had one eye on the exit door in the front corner, since that was where the shooter had appeared, wearing bullet-proof vest and gas mask, flame-red hair, and calmly stood setting of tear gas, and fired rounds from a pump-action shotgun, an assault rifle, and a handgun, into the audience. Whenever someone got up to go use the bathroom, there was this split-second crackle of nervous energy in the air.
And yet, I didn't even come close to the fear and pain that erupted in cinema 9 of Century Theaters in Aurora, Colorado. Horrific, terrifying, and awful, for those who were there and the families of the 12 people who lost their lives so needlessly.
The most inspiring thing I've seen come out of this tragedy so far is the story of 16yo Justin Davis. He was there in cinema 9 that night. And the next day, the very next day, he went back to another theater to watch the movie. He wanted to finish what he started, for himself and for the 12 people who could no longer. To not let fear stop you from doing what you want to do, to live your life the way you wish it to be so long as you're not hurting anybody. At times, that takes guts.